Elevator Etiquette 101 (Hint #1: Don’t Sniff Hair)

23Feb12

To the guy who sniffed my hair on the elevator this morning,

First of all, stop it.

Secondly, I feel as though you need a lesson in elevator etiquette. I’m sure that you’re guilty of more than one of these (in fact, I know you are seeing as how you violated about 4 of them on the 2 minute ride up this morning), and I think you need to change your behaviour before you permanently become one of these:

1. Non-Shifters

Yesterday morning, I was at my college, in the elevator with 7 other people. Three of them got out on the 3rd floor, leaving plenty of room for all of us to shift around. What does the guy in front of me do? He stays planted, right where he was in the beginning of this ride. His backpack was in my face. The heels of his feet were uncomfortably close to my toes. I looked at the girl to my right, she took one look at me, and then shifted to her right to give me some space.

She understood the concept of elevator shifting. The guy, however, did not. Don’t be a non-shifter. They’re the worst.

Unless your elevator is this large, you need to be aware of elevator personal space. At all times.

2. Face-to-Face Standers

Everyone knows that, when you get into an elevator, you’re supposed to walk in, turn around, and then face the doors, right? Wrong. Last week, a guy walked into the elevator, looked me square in the eye, and just stood there, facing me. My back was against the wall of the elevator and there were about 5 other people in it with us. I just stood there, eyebrows raised, eyes shifting around the small space, wondering when this guy was going to turn around and face the doors like he was supposed to do.

He didn’t.

There we stood, face-to-face, at, what I believe to be, the most uncomfortable moment in either of our lives. Remember to always face the elevator doors. No matter what. Even if you know the person in the elevator with you…show your back to them and face the doors.

Probably the most uncomfortable situation that I can imagine...(Photo Credit: http://www.corbisimages.com)

3. Hair-Sniffers

Don’t sniff people’s hair in the elevator. That’s weird. It’s never acceptable to do that.

Even if your name is actually McDreamy, don't ever do this. (Credit: http://www.abc.com)

 

4. The “Hold-the-Elevator” Guy

No. No, I will not do that. There are several elevators that you may take, sir, and I’ve just waited 5 minutes for this one…you can wait for the next one. This one is full. And you’re 100 meters away. And you’re walking slowly, forcing everyone to wait on you while you saunter on up to the elevator.

No. I will not hold the elevator for you…unless it’s empty. And you’re running towards it. And you don’t boss me around by telling me to do something, like “hold the elevator”.

Probably the only person I'd ever hold the elevator for... (Credit: Robot Chicken)

5. The Singer

This is the person who sings along to their iPod or, worse yet, the elevator music. I can’t hear your iPod, so all I hear is your voice, echoing off the walls of the elevator. Elevator music is terrible (just terrible!), and there is no need to sing along to it.

Come on…you can not sing for at least 2 minutes (says the girl who sings all the time). Don’t ever be The Singer…they get beaten up a lot.

Don't do it unless you're these guys. I'd go to that gig... (Credit: http://www.hbo.com)

6. The Onion Bagel Eater

Please don’t eat your onion bagel in the elevator. I don’t need to smell onion bagel first thing in the morning.

Also, please breathe with your mouth shut.

I'm sure it's delicious, but it smells like death at 8:30am.

7. The Button-Starer

For some reason, people seem to forget their numbers and how to count when they get into an elevator. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in an elevator where a person gets in and then stares at the buttons for about 37 seconds, deciding which one to push. It’s not that hard…I mean, you can count, right? The numbers still go in order once you get into the elevator.

Just push 4. It comes after 3 and before 5. Stop staring at the buttons and choose one, please.

Hmmm...I'm looking for Floor #7. Where might that be....? (Credit: http://www.sodahead.com)

8. The Phone-Talker

There is no need for you to speak so loudly when you’re on your phone. We get it. You’re very important and this phone call could not wait for 3 minutes for when you will actually be in your office. I understand that. All I’m asking is that you don’t speak so loudly. It’s a confined space and the sheer decibel with which you speak has shattered my eardrum.

Thanks, Phone-Talker.

This guy? I'd probably punch this guy. Or, when he makes jokes and laughs, I'd laugh out loud too...as loud as I possibly can until he feels uncomfortable with me listening in on his conversation. And then I'd punch him.

So, my dear hair-sniffing elevator companion, I hope that you take these tips to heart and change your behaviour. Like, immediately.

If you don’t, the next time we’re in the elevator together, I’ll be forced to listen to my iPod, sing along to music that you can’t hear, and then shatter your eardrum. I feel like that’s only fair.

What do people do/not do in an elevator that drives you crazy?

Have you ever been a Non-Shifter?

Do you eat onion bagels? If so, do you apologise for it every time you meet someone in the elevator?

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81 Responses to “Elevator Etiquette 101 (Hint #1: Don’t Sniff Hair)”

  1. Oh!! I am the first one to comment!!! Yes, personal achivement :-).

    Hilarious post!! Hair sniffer and Non Shifter – the best pshycoanalysis of general public and what’s with people who talk on phone, usually you don’t get recption there :-). I hate it when people talk out loud on phones.

    Here is an idea for next blog post – How about gadget etiquettes :-).

    • Haha! Yes, you are the first one to comment, Sumukh!

      I’m convinced that people just pretend to get reception on their mobile phones in elevators. I mean, how embarrassing would it be to be chatting with someone, walk into an elevator, and then lose the connection mid-way through your hilarious story of what your dog did last night (or something else lame like that…)? You’d be smiling and laughing halfway through the sentence and then have to stop abruptly, look at your phone with a confused look on your face like you have no idea what just happened, realise what an annoying person you’re being to everyone else in the elevator, and have to shut up.

      Tragic.

      Thanks for stopping by again, Sumukh! Always great to see you here! ;)

  2. It doesn’t drive me crazy, since I mostly take the stairs, but I can’t understand it: In my building, if you come through the side door, you have to walk around the stairs and go through another door to get to the elevator. I can’t believe how many people, who are going up only one floor, do this in order to wait for the elevator when they could have used the stairs and been where they were going already.

    • Well, it appears that you are just much healthier than the rest of the population! Haha!

      Honestly, that is also something on my list: people who are only going up or down one floor! Just take the stairs, guy! It takes less time and you at least get in 48 of the recommended 10,000 steps per day…

      Thanks for dropping in again, Scott! Always a pleasure! :)

  3. 5 Jeff Walker

    All too often I experience #1, #2, #4 and #8. And a resounding “YES!” to your caption for #8. Well, maybe not the punching part, but I love the idea of just laughing along with him or her, nodding along enthusiastically and “becoming” a part of their conversation.

    Love the photo of the huge elevator. :)

    • I experience these elevator people every day…doesn’t matter what day it is or what time I ride the elevator, there will be at least 1 of them in the elevator with me at all times. It’s usually a #1 and/or a #2. (It’s the worst when it’s one person doing both.)

      Also, if you and I are ever in an elevator together, we can tag-team punch the guy on the phone.

      And then laugh. Uncomfortably loudly.

      Thanks for dropping in again, Jeff! Glad to see you here! :)

  4. My Dear Ms. PCCA,

    I’m afraid you omitted a very important category: no. 9. The Silent-but-deadly Elevator Farter! They are obnoxious. On the other hand, no. 8 Phone Talkers, should be dragged out into the corporate hallways and flogged mercilessly till they bleed respect for others.

    Kindest regards,

    Jay

    • I think we should just put the two of those guys together and see which one outlasts the other.

      Thanks so much for coming by to visit again, Jay! Glad to see you! ;)

  5. Oh, and extra special props for your savvy pop culture reference to Flight of The Conchords!

    • Yes yes yes! Another Conchords fan!! :D

  6. I hate elevators! The fact that I’m locked in a box with nothing beneath me and a malfunction could send me crashing to my death or leave me stuck between floors for hours with some Imperial Stormtrooper is a rivetingly frightening experience! I held the door for one of those guys once. Never again. They think that mask and an E-11 gives them a free ticket for bad behavior. I don’t know what’s worse, the non-shifter, or the clutz who steps on your toes with giant white boots while pushing to deliberately stand behind you. Hair-sniffing through those loud rasp-irators is sooo obnoxious! Seriously beetle boy, you’re not cute and you’re not sneaky “accidentally” lifting my skirt with your blaster. And I don’t care if your suit comes with a built in iPod. It is not necessary to drone along to the Imperial March theme in a robotic monotone! Please! I’m prepared. Next time I’m stuck with one of those guys, I have Super Glue in my purse!

    Have you considered onion-bagel-breath hair spray, Christy?

    • I would like to nominate Annie Schilde for leaving the best comments ever.

      Ever.

      Also, I will be purchasing some of that hair spray momentarily, Annie, but what happens when I’m with someone that I want to sniff my hair? Do they make Tic Tacs for hair?

    • Hmm.. maybe it could be like a scent sac hidden subtly under your hair. Then if the wrong guy, or girl, or agendered armor-clad humanoid exoskeleton type thing, starts sniffing, you can move in even closer and then let em have it like a skunk. I could see accidents being a problem though. Lunch line at the cafeteria… ew, bad timing. And it would have to be quiet too. It’s one thing to be known as the old lady. It’s another entirely to be known as the old lady with flatulent hair.

      • I’m cool with that title, Annie. I mean, if I have to have flatulent hair in order to get rid of hair sniffers, I’m on board.

  7. 15 Lionel

    Yes, good and hilarious. How about this for number 9? The ones who walk in, turn around immediately and block the door for everyone else. I so often wish I was 6′ 4″

    • Aha! That’s a good one, Lionel! And that guy always refuses to move whenever someone else is trying to get out of the elevator, onto their floor! So annoying…

  8. I am appalled at Face to Face elevator person. This makes my skin crawl!! Great post!

    • There is nothing worse than staring into the eyes of a stranger who refuses to speak to you for the entire 2 minute ride up, and who never breaks eye contact with you. Not even to blink. Or to get off at his floor. He just walks backwards out of the elevator, staring into your soul, the entire time until the doors close again. That is the worst thing that has ever happened to me*.

      *This probably has never happened to me.

      Thanks so much for stopping in, RFL! Love having you drop by! :)

    • This made my skin crawl too. I couldn’t possibly turn my back to an elevator door. The thought of the doors opening and not being able to see who was getting in would be worse than being in an elevator in the first place. You’d have to be one creepy person to be able to stand like that… like one of those aliens from MIB who really has eyes in the back of his head or something. Come to think of it, that must be why he doesn’t blink!

      Aliens and Stormtroopers… you really work in an awesomely creepy place, Christy!

      • Very true, Annie. Jealous much? ;)

        I also can’t handle the thought of having my back to the elevator doors! I mean, what if I’m not in far enough and my pant leg gets caught when the doors shut, which causes the elevator to shut down, and then I’m stuck in there forever! All because I just had to face the person behind me…no thanks. I’d rather show him my back and my butt and pretend he doesn’t exist and know that my pant legs are safely tucked away. (<— that's probably the weirdest sentence I've ever written.)

  9. Sorry, your hair looks so nice and serine that I couldn’t help but smell it.

    I find bagels a bit of an oddity. They are like a cross between a ring doughnut and a squidgy bit of bread. You get the worst of both worlds.

    They are a bit rubbish on their own and trying to spread anything over them is annoying.

    Gimme a roll or a sandwich.

    People who talk too much on their mobile drive me insane. The ones who have indepth or angry conversations need to have their lips cut off so they can be sold as bagels to cats.

    • Michael, I can’t tell you enough just how much I agree with your dislike of bagels. They are SO annoying to use…can’t spread a thing on them, and when I do, half of the spread goes through the hole and onto my plate, whereby I must then scoop it up with my fingers and lick my fingers like a caveman.

      For some reason, however, it doesn’t bother me as much when I spread jam and Nutella on my doughnuts…

      Thanks for taking the time to read through and comment, and also smell my hair, Michael…always appreciated. Especially the hair sniffing.

      (Just so you’re aware, I laughed my head off at your last line. I can’t believe how funny that is!!)

      • Ha! I couldn’t actually remember what the last line was so I had to look at it again.

        I had a sort of ‘where on earth did that idea come from?’ moment when I read it.

      • Hahaha!! I think it was about my favourite line that anyone has ever written!

  10. “To the guy who sniffed my hair on the elevator this morning…”

    He did what now? Was it a casual sniff, or did he get all up in your personal space?

    Whenever I think of people singing in elevators, “Hey Ya!” by OutKast pops into my head. I don’t know why, but it does. Every time.

    • Oh, he was all up in my personal space, DofT! It started out casual, like he was just leaning forward to get something out of his bag or something, and it ended in a full-on hair sniff with his nose just inches from my ear.

      I feel violated.

      Also, I have no idea why you keep thinking of “Hey Ya!”…strange. Every time I hear it, I feel like using a Polaroid. No idea why.

  11. I only like glass elevators, where I can look out of the window. Did I say like? Well, not like exactly…

    I don’t cope with the non-shifters. And hair-sniffers? That’s just freaky!!

    • Of all the elevators in existence, glass ones are probably the best and least threatening. That being said, if someone sniffs your hair in a glass elevator it means that they don’t care who sees them do it, which is a little more ominous, I find…

      Thanks so much for stopping in, Sarsm! Always great to see new faces here! :)

  12. I’m flippin’ ROLLING! Especially the headline under the phone talker picture. I did that the other day on the Lite Rail train, without the punch, it was awesome! :) At least I’m not the only person! Subscribing…and love that you work for such a good academic institution….rock on!

    Dug

    http://tr4f.wordpress.com

    • Next time, add the punch. It will be even more satisfying.

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Oasis! So glad to have you join the team of people who wish they had never found me in the first place, but feel too badly to “unfollow” now… ;)

  13. 31 Anonymous

    You forgot ‘silent but deadlies’

    and by that I mean farts.

    Seriously – in any public place it’s bad but in elevator. Thats grounds for losing elevator privileges .

    Good post!

    • You’re not the first person to point out to me that I forgot about those guys. I think, perhaps, it was just selective memory…those are the kinds of people I want to forget about. And quick.

      And then I want to punch them in the jugular.

      Thanks for dropping by! :)

  14. LOVE! So great. I am in elevators all the time. Sometimes I do violate the standing rules just to mess with others. But you have it right about all these types! There’s another person who isn’t so much annoying as just intriguing. The person who rides the elevator the whole way without getting off even as you exit at the last stop. What is that person doing? Great post. But, um, maybe you need to not have such nice smelling hair. Ever think about that?

    • BAH! I can’t believe I forgot about that type!! I work on the top floor, so I encounter those kinds of people all the time! Where are they going? Do they have a place that they really need to be or are they just riding the elevator to feel important? Man, combine that kind of guy with a Phone-Talker, and I would say that they have some serious insecurity issues…or they’re the coolest and most important people on the planet. I haven’t decided yet.

      Also, I guess my coconut conditioner makes my hair smell like the tropics. Weird, though…I’ve been to the tropics, and I never saw anyone smell the hair of a coconut.

      Thanks for stopping in again, Clay! As always, so happy to see you here! :)

  15. Hahaha I agree 100%! Have you seen this social experiment on elevators?

    http://www.betterdaystv.net/videos/19442/the-elevator-experiment-on-group-behavioral-nlp
    :)

    Edwin

    • Edwin!! That’s hilarious!! How did you find that clip??! Oh, the guy with the hat…that was just brilliant!

      You made my day just now. :)

      • I read your post in the morning and decided that I HAD to find that clip again and share it! Also, a bit random, but do you ever guest blog on other WordPress blogs? I’d love to have you on mine one of these days :)

        And I’m glad you liked it because it took me like half an hour on the train ride home to find it. Haha!

        Edwin

      • I’m SO glad that you found it and shared it! It’s so funny!!

        As for guest blogging, I’ve been asked to do it a couple of times, but I’ve never actually done it…for some reason, I freak right out because I think everything I write is lame and it might ruin the reputation of the blogger who invited me. Haha. BUT…I’d LOVE to do a guest post for you some day! That’d be great! Just email me and let me know when and what topic you might want me to write about. :)

        Thanks Edwin! :D

  16. lol … hilarious list….never seen someone detail analyze an elevator scenario in such a way.. :D

    Though on cost having brickbats thrown over me.. I would like to say on behalf of those “hair sniffers”. That sometimes the elevator is so thickly populated that somebody’s hair just come in your face (women preferably otherwise it becomes an unwanted situation) so when you breath, one is breathing the hair close to ones face (not that I do that… :) plz don’t beat me for that :D)..

    and sometimes it really is smelling beautiful (maybe bodyshop or some-other hair product is to be blamed :) )… but boy o boy ,it is like you are in fairyland and a princess is standing next to you… I can certainly see from where all these advertisers get their ideas for hair products.

    Though my journey into the elevator could characterized by the “impatient one”, who wants to get over with the whole process quickly,which I think should make me feel grateful to you for not including :D.

    • Well, I’m a very analytical person when it comes to social situations, it seems. It doesn’t just stop at elevators…malls, buses, movie theatres. You name it, I’ll watch people and analyze their social graces (or lack thereof).

      As for the hair sniffing, I could understand it if it was an accident, but it was a blatant lean-forward-stick-my-nose-in-your-hair-and-smell-it kinda move. Very bold…should’ve kicked him the jugular.

      Thanks so much for stopping in again, Sheokhanda! Much appreciated! ;)

  17. Any kind of chatting in an elevator annoys me. Then again, elevators annoy me. I like taking the stairs when possible. Good for the heart. Good for the mind…don’t hear any of that mindless chatting…just me trying to capture my breath. I am a huge fan of elevator shifting when having to ride one. I am a huge fan of onion bagels but always try to wear protection (i.e. mints) after indulging…and before going face-to-face…or hair-to-hair…with any other folks.

    • I agree! I prefer to take the stairs, but sometimes the 32 flights up seems a bit much, so I resign myself to the fact that the elevator is the only way to go.

      I elevator-shift like no one’s business. I did it during lunch hour – 3 of us in the elevator, all in our respective corners. As soon as 1 of us leaves, I move to one side of the elevator and the girl with me moves to the other. Sheer perfection.

      I had an onion bagel this morning for the first time. Seriously. It was pretty good, but it felt strange to be eating something infused with onions for breakfast. Oatmeal? Yes. Onions? Kind weird.

      Thanks for dropping in again, Sports! Always a pleasure to have you here! :)

  18. Number 1,4,7 and 8 .. arrggghhhhh :D.

    Just this morning i almost lost my company transport because someone on the floor below mine was holding the elevator. This post of yours should be printed and pasted on every elevator haha.

    • Haha! I know! Isn’t that just so frustrating and space-intruding??!!

      I think that every elevator should have a list of rules, pertaining to what is and is not acceptable in that society. And before people are allowed to ride the elevator without the assistance of a guardian, they should be tested on these rules. Harshly. Until the rules are etched in their brains.

      Thanks so much for stopping in, Ibrahim! Always great to see you here! :)

  19. Omg! Thats hilarious and true. Face to face id the weirdest, i dont understand why people do it.

    • You know, I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one who experiences all of this elevator weirdness! Why can’t people just understand the common social graces?? I don’t get it either.

      Thanks so much for dropping by, FreshCutCountry! So nice to have new people stop in! :)

  20. 47 sorrysoverysorry

    I take the stairs.

    And I’d not sniff your hair in the stairwell – nor the elevator – unless I was absolutly, positively sure you welcomed it. And how would I ever be sure of that? Try that stunt in NY and she’s just as likely to ‘accidently’ backward-head butt!!

    Let me guess . . . Did he say, “Gee, your hair smells terrific”? Or was he too young to remember that advertisement?

    • Unless a woman says to you, “Hello there. Would you please sniff my hair for 2.4 seconds whilst in this elevator with me?”, then you will never be sure.

      No, he didn’t say anything to me! That was the weirdest part!! Haha! Just sniffed my hair, and then got out on his floor as though nothing had ever happened.

      Ridiculous.

      Thanks for stopping in again, Sorry! Always great to see you! :)

  21. Smell hair now thats kinda weird but I know that people can be so annoying at times. Really we are all just kids in a over size body :-) thanks for accidentally clicking onto my blog. Have a great Sunday :-)

    • Yes it’s very weird…but also hilarious. It’s just such a random thing to happen. I’ve been talking about it all week to people, and no one else has had that happen to them in an elevator…yet. ;)

      Thanks so much for dropping by, Ras! Much appreciated! :)

      • Your welcome :-)

  22. hahaha the elevator button one totally made me laugh… what is going on there?!

    one social cue i always miss on elevators is the lady’s first rule… apparently that’s elevator etiquette and i never get it right – i either awkwardly jump in front of someone to go first… or do the awkard ‘you go, no you go, no you can go, ok i’ll go, wait are you going?’ dance. here were some of my other office faux paux I have to deal with:

    http://highfiverson.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/life-lessons-in-office-etiquette/

    • So I’m assuming you’ve also been held hostage on an elevator whilst someone tries to figure out which button they need to push? ;)

      As for the lady’s first rule, I don’t wait for it. I demand it. I just walk out first, knocking old ladies outta the way and stuff. I see a 78 year old woman and I’m all, “Get outta my way, jerkface. I gotta get to work! Why are you taking so long to move?! Get outta here!”

      For some reason, 78 year old women don’t like that too much…

      I actually just went to your site and realised that I read that post a while back! Haha! So funny! Thanks for dropping by again, HighFiverson! Always great seeing you here! :)

  23. 54 Eric Murtaugh

    No joke, I was stuck on an elevator for 2.5 hours once. Thankfully it was with one other person, and she was nothing like the 9 weirdos you described above.

    We talked about life, we talked about food, and we talked about how screwed up it was to be stuck on an elevator for 2.5 hours. And then we pretty much just hung out in our own corners, chilling out in peace, waiting for the fire department to show up.

    • Okay, so you just described my ultimate nightmare. Not only do I have a fear of weirdos, but a fear of being stuck in an elevator as well. I can’t imagine what I would have done had I been stuck in an elevator with a guy for 2.5 hours!

      I’d probably sniff his hair.

      Thanks so much for stopping in, Eric! Much appreciated! :)

  24. Lovely post and great choice of images to go with it. I hate it when ‘physically fit’ people use the elevator for 1 or 2 floors.

    • I know, right? They use up so much elevator time when they could have just stopped being jerks and just walked up the 1 or 2 flights of stairs.

      Thanks so much for dropping in for a visit, ThoughtsNCreations! Great to see new faces here! :)

  25. Damn those elevators! People do become so awkward, it seems, as soon as they step into one.
    Standing in an elevator with a stranger is so much like moving in with someone for like… two.5 minutes. You get a brief chance to become intimately familiar with all of their stupid little habits.
    I think I would suggest to any young single person that, before they commit to marriage, they should first stand in an elevator with that person for half a day. You know? Yeah…
    Here are some things one might learn…

    Pound on non-working buttons with heal of hand – Bad temper

    Farts in elevator – Will likely fart in bed

    Sings in elevator – Will surely sing in car

    Smacks food in elevator – Will smack food at funerals? Yeah.

    Sniffs hair in elevator – You’ll find your shoes missing… just sayin’

    Speaking of shoes, I did learn another thing that one should never do in an elevator… at least guys shouldn’t do. Around a month ago, I was riding in an elevator with some random guy, when I noticed that he had on a really nice pair of shoes; a pair of shoes that I happened to own myself. So naturally I said, “Hey, those are some nice shoes you have there” (this is where I realized that this was going to be an epic fail) but I continued, “I have the same pair, and I really like’em. Where did you get those?”
    “Um… at the store?”
    “Oh. Ha ha. That’s the same place where I got mine… ha ha”

    Damn

    Then we rode on for what seemed like fifteen minutes of silence. He never stopped looking at the buttons. I can usually strike up a conversation with anybody, but I learned the hard way that shoe talk among two straight strangers is simply forbidden territory. Perhaps even as bad as the old guy who talks to you at the urinals, telling you all about how difficult it will be to pee when you get to be his age. Geez.

    Anyway, hail Conchords.

    • As if the first half of your comment wasn’t completely awesome, you had to go and top it off by hailing the Conchords…I just checked the friend agenda, the a-friend-a, and your stock just rose to “best friend”. Also, I’d like to give you a compliment…you’re good at finding short cuts around this part of town.

      Also, I’m going to use your stuck-in-an-elevator test on any and every new person I will or could possibly date. As soon as I meet them, I’ll be all “Oh, why don’t we head into this building here? I hear they have 92 floors…I’m sure that’s interesting for some reason”, but I’ll really get stuck in the elevator on purpose. I mean, come on…I don’t want to waste time, right?

      As for your shoes, I didn’t think that guys ever looked at other guys shoes?? I guess, if you’re in an elevator with another guy, the safest place to rest your eyes is on his shoes.

      Nathan, I love when you comment…always so awesome. Thanks. :)

  26. 60 Bay Area Trojan

    I accidentally found your blog and was laughing all through this entry. I’ve actually told people that “Sorry, no cell phones on the elevator,” and they got back off thinking I was quoting a building rule or something. If they’re going to be that obnoxious, I can, too.

    Yup, I used to work in a building where the elevator got stuck routinely. I learned to carry the daily paper and a cup of coffee and just relax. Luckily, I was always alone and got a good 30 minutes of peace each time.

    • Well, I’m so glad that you accidentally found me here! Trust me, you’re not the only one…I think that most people that visit do so unintentionally. In fact, I’m certain of that.

      I LOVE that you tell people that they’re not allowed to use their cell phones in elevators. I’m going to start doing the same thing. Seriously.

      Thanks so much for stopping by, Joe! Much appreciated! :)

  27. Now I’m definitely going to over analyse elevators… Completely unrelated to elevators, but it got me thinking of my “personal space hates” number one has to be when standing in a line and having someone right up behind you, a “hair sniffer” in elevator terms maybe? I always end up being subconscious about it and always remain at least arm length behind a fellow human, instead of being part of a robotic crowd shuffling a cm forward each moment… sadly I still find myself when i take a step forward and away from the drooling overweight male…/female… it is short lived as within an instant there they are… right behind me… doing only what I can now presume… as sniffing

    • Yes! Arm length is what is socially acceptable!! Why do other people not know that??

      Also, you can be positively certain that when people are standing close to you, they’re sniffing your hair. Well, either that or they’re trying to cleanse your aura…either way, it’s rather invasive. I don’t care if my hair smells badly or if my aura is dirty.

      Thanks so much for stopping in, Patrick! Love your anecdotes! :)

  28. Beautiful post my friend Nice work :)

    • Thanks Jake!

      • Welcome :)

  29. Yaaay, 67th comment! Lucky sixty-seven…. maybe. Anyways, I’m confused because I thought sniffing the hair of a total female stranger was just another acceptable way to say hello… If this is not correct, then I must adjust my future plans.

    I think it’s hilarious that someone would actually stand facing you instead of the doors. Don’t you work at a collage, though? I thought I read that somewhere. Maybe this guy was just high. Please tell me it was just a high college student. I don’t want this to be a new trend.

    The things that people and women are asked to put up with always surprise me.

    • Admit it. You were the guy who sniffed my hair, weren’t you? If so, next time, just say “hello”. That is also an acceptable greeting. ;)

      Yes, someone actually stood facing me instead of the doors. Isn’t that odd?? I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it was not a high college student. It was a guy that I had never seen before who was around 50 years old. You’d think that in his 25+ years of being the workforce he’d have better elevator etiquette, no?

      No. He doesn’t.

      Thanks so much for stopping in again, David! Always glad to see you here! :)

  30. hehehehe, hair sniffer!!! :-P lol, I did not know about that! Thanks for the tips, haha

    • Oh yes, hair sniffers exist and they are everywhere. Watch out.

      Thanks for stopping by, Hottabb! Much appreciated! ;)

  31. I will make no promises that I will not sing to a beautiful woman or smell her hair on an elevator (or anywhere else).

    I’m sorry but this is who I am.

    • Then you, my friend, are the Don Juan of the elevator world.

      P.S. One day, I’d like to ride in an elevator with you and see you do that to someone. I feel like you’re the only person in the world who could do it with a straight face. ;)

  32. Very funny story…went browsing around liked this post the best … crazy hair-sniffer. A friend of mine recently told me about an experience she had in an elevator in Spain…apparently it’s rude to face the elevator doors, you’re supposed to face each other. I was tripping.

    • Okay, I would not last very long in Spain, then. That is crazy! Why would you want to face people in the elevator?? It’s so…unnatural! Are you supposed to talk to each other or just stare? Because, to be honest, I’d be uncomfortable either way…

      Thanks for dropping by, The Wish Factor! Much appreciated! :)

  33. 75 victoriasvisits

    Haha! Oh, man, my abs hurt, PCC. You are one funny gal!

    • Aww…thanks, V! I can only assume you’ve also been a victim of one or all of these elevator violations. ;)

  34. There ways to fight against all of the above: pull out your own onion bagel and chew on it while singing along to a tune of the Singer right into faces of Non-Shifters and Face-to-Face Standers. And right after you’re done eating you bagel, turn around, get your mouth right into a face of the Hair-Sniffer and ask him to help the the Button-Starer to find the right button. At this point you can start singing really loud into a phone of a Phone-Talker: “We’re not gonna wait for you, Hold-the-Elevator Guy!”

    • Remind me to always ride in elevators with you.

      Always.

      (By the way, I’m voting your comment as the best comment on this post.)

      • Thank you, I am so happy! And I’ll have an onion bagel for you next time we are riding that elevator together… lol

      • Yesssss! Can you also please ensure that garlic is included in some way as well?

      • Absolutely – it’s gonna be our secret weapon;).


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