10 Reasons Why This Item is Man’s Worst Nightmare

01Mar12

Dear Friends,

For those of you who have been reading my stuff for a little while now, you will probably remember my post about my fear of robots and Google. That being said, this week, one of my bosses sent me a link to something that I deemed as, without a doubt, “Man’s Worst Nightmare”.

You see, as a woman, I’m always curious about other people’s relationships…how they function, what they love about each other, what annoys them the most about each other, etc. With all of my surveillance over the years, I’ve found out what women do that annoys men more than anything else, and yet, somehow, this was still created….

Is anyone else seeing this? I mean, here is a man who, after using this piece of technology for 5 minutes, will probably be more annoyed than he has ever been in his life. You see, this grocery cart is basically every man’s worst nightmare…it’s like a high maintenance woman. “How can you possibly make that connection, PCC?”, you ask? Here’s how:

1. The first thing the cart makes him do is give it his plastic card.

2. Cart then over-enthusiastically says, “Let’s go shopping!” (See the 0:17 mark)

Yeah...Admiral Akbar knows what it's like. (Credit: http://www.troll.me)

3. As soon as cart suggests that they go shopping, it then says, “I’ll follow your lead”.

A bit too submissive.

4. Cart follows him everywhere he goes.

Every. Where. He. Goes.

5. The man wants to have Italian for dinner. Before he can put anything in the cart, he has to “run it by her” and scan each item…just to make sure that it’s okay. When he places a certain kind of pasta in the cart, it annoyingly gently reminds him that it is not gluten-free.

Cart is now watching what he eats.

6. After cart tells the guy that it’s the wrong pasta, he laughs as though it didn’t bother him, and then admits that maybe he wasn’t “smart enough to pick the right pasta”. Umm…did you hear that? WA-KSH!!!

Whipped.

7. Upon realising that he chose the incorrect pasta, cart then tells him where to go to find the correct kind.

Bossy.

8. Once the man put in the last item, marinara sauce, cart told him that he had everything on his list (i.e. “Don’t buy anything else. You can’t afford it.”)

Controlling.

9. Once the shopping is complete and cart has everything that it needs, it says, “I have calculated your total. You have indicated that I should put this on your account” (i.e. Not mine).

High maintenance.

This is what I see as the human equivalent to cart... (Credit: http://www.personalitycafe.com)

10. Once the man is finished shopping and no longer needs cart around, he says “goodbye”. He is then greeted with the silent treatment.

Ice queen.

Okay, okay…maybe I’m being a little too rough on cart. Maybe it has some redeeming qualities. Maybe it brings him breakfast in bed and laughs at all of his jokes…of course, breakfast would still be in the packaging and cart’s laugh would be rather robotic, but I’m sure that’s worth it.

If not, there are plenty of other carts in the sea, right?

Would you ever use a grocery cart like this?

If so, how long do you think you could stand it?

Does this grocery cart remind you of anyone you know? (Please don’t say PCC…)

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44 Responses to “10 Reasons Why This Item is Man’s Worst Nightmare”

  1. If the cart would just say things like, “Wait, let’s see what’s in the clearance bin,” or insist on lingering in the cards aisle, it’d be perfect.

    • Or if it said, “You wait here while I go try this on”, or handed its purse over to you and said, “Here. Can you hold this for a while?”

  2. See, things like that appeal to the nerdy engineer types when it comes to inventing it and developing it.

    It’s like the first time you got a PC and realised you can customise the sound effects and stuff. I remember setting Windows 95 up so it made certain noises or comments every time I maximised or minimised something. Or logged in or out. And various other things.

    I wanted to smash the thing after about 30 minutes.

    • I’m surprised you even last 30 minutes. If your PC stuff were anything like this cart, I think I would have lasted about 37 seconds before deciding that it no longer needed to exist in my world.

      Love when you stop by, Michael…your comments always make me laugh. :)

      • I am here to amuse, come night or day.

  3. This actually makes me weep for humanity. All I can think is that we have reached an epic level of lazy bastardness from which I doubt we will ever recover.

    Who even needs this product in the first place? What, you’re so incompetent you need a computerized shopping cart to make sure you make the right choices!?!? Good grief.

    • Annnnnnnd….BAM!! You just hit the nail on the head.

      You have just validated every thought that I’ve ever had upon watching that clip, RantAndRoll. I thank you. Haha.

  4. I would likely beat this cart to death with anything handy nearby. As to if it reminds me of anyone I know…I plead the fifth.

    • I think that I would do the same thing. No, wait…I’m certain I would.

      Also, if this cart reminds me of myself, can I plead the fifth as well….?

      Thanks again for stopping in, Sports! Always great to see you here! :)

  5. LOL. It’s Lilith Frasier only a little more tastefully dressed.

    Maybe that erotically-programmed Ma-Ma doll from your other post can just do all the shopping for him. She could probably consume everything he needs in exact portions according to dietary concern, and come home and regurgitate the essentials for him like a bird. Mmm… breakfast in bed! Immediately followed by robot sex in bed!

    Actually you may know the guy this appeals to…

    Rosie Jetson can have him. Just sayin.

    So would I use one of these carts? No. BUT! If you could convince Paris Hilton to follow me around the grocery story carrying my groceries, I have to say I’d go for that. In fact, I’m not sure I’d ever tire of it.

    And of course we all saw how this story ends…

    • If I ever actually see Paris Hilton in a grocery store, doing her own shopping, that would be enough for me.

      That being said, I’ll bet if they programmed this cart to say things like, “That’s hot” when you put some bacon into it, I’m sure it would be a big seller. I mean, who in their right mind would ever grow tired of that?

      Also, I don’t think I ever want to eat grapes again…

      Thanks again, Annie…you, as always, are hilarious. :)

      • Wall-E is cute! ♥

    • You know Anne, I think I would just bypass all of this wannabe nerdly horse crap and just jump forward to having “Big Dog” hit wal-mart with me.

      • Nathan, did you read my older post with this video of Big Dog in it?? This is the creepiest thing EVA!!!!

      • I was just gonna say, Big Dog was in Christy’s other post, which you should check out. Seriously, Nathan, you wouldn’t like it better if Big Dog looked a little more like Gear-o-matic Geisha? Which by the way, I switched my FB pic for a while to a zombie who looked WAY too much like her.

      • Oh yeah. I didn’t remember that it was on this very site where I first learned of this Big Dog thing.
        And there I was pretending to be all original and witty. :-(

        For shame. And in a public forum, nonetheless. As if that’s something new ;-)

        I’m going to go skulk now. Not really; I simply very much like the word “skulk”. Sometimes I wish that “skulk” had multiple meanings. Don’t know what they’d be yet. Maybe having something to do with what one might do with one’s toast. You know… at breakfast.

        “What’s Gene doing in the kitchen?”
        “Oh, you know. She’s in there skulking her toast. Yes?”
        “Well, does she have life insurance?”

        (It’s obvious that I’m trying to change the subject?)

        My new motto: “Don’t Think. Just Type”

        Do you have to capitalize all the words in a motto?

      • It’s okay, Nathan. The first time that I had heard of Big Dog was from the link that my boss emailed to me one day. I then tried to pass it off as though I knew all kinds of things about it by writing a post about it that day.

        I knew nothing. Still don’t. And it was also in a public forum.

        I like the word “skulk” as well…I also like “moxie”. Like, a lot. As in, that’s probably my favourite word in the world. I’d use it in scenarios like:

        “What’s Gene doing in the kitchen?”
        “Oh, you know. She’s in there skulking her toast with moxie.”

        Yes, The First Letters of Each Word in a Motto Must Always Be Capitalised (<— that's my motto).

  6. “This has been great, but I think I’ll go back to doing whatever I want all the time.” HA! Made my day. Fun stuff as always.

    • C’mon…isn’t that the best part of breaking up with someone? You get to be completely selfish again. Haha!

      Thanks so much, Clay…love when you drop in! :)

      P.S. Umm…some people might be waiting for a certain person (hint hint) to post again because some of those people might be going into eduClaytion withdrawal. Some people…not me. Just some people… ;)

  7. That has got to be one of the most stupid-ass things I have ever seen… but c’mon, if this dude was smart he’d just keep saying “yes dear, yes dear” and doing whatever the hell he wanted….

    • But the nagging…oh the nagging! Can you imagine if he just kept putting in boxes of pasta made with gluten?? That cart would never shut up!!

      If he were truly smart, he never would have gotten into the relationship with the cart in the first place… ;)

      Thanks very much for dropping in, Brown Road Chronicles! As always, it’s much appreciated!

  8. The man mentions that he isn’t smart enough to pick the right pasta.. I just realized how much that must suck :D

    If the shopping cart could actually extend arms and grab the stuff and do the shopping for me while I wait in the car, I’d use it without a doubt.. grocery shopping is my number 2 least favorite thing to do hahahah.. eh, I guess it beats growing my own potatoes and chasing around chickens.

    -Edwin, nerdy engineer type

    • Hahaha!!! Edwin, my boss actually said the same thing as you regarding the cart doing the shopping for him! Haha! He said that if it did that, it would truly be making his life easier, so he’s consider buying one. I guess male engineer types really do think a lot alike…

      Grocery shopping is one of my favourite things to do, so I see this cart, not as my help-mate, but as my competition. I’d probably race it around the store and then play chicken with it in the parking lot.

      Huh…I guess that’s kinda like chasing around chickens, eh?

      Thanks again, Edwin! Always happy to see you here! :)

  9. Jesus save us.

  10. You know, I have another concern. What about personal items? I can just hear that dumb machine.

    “Those are not Max Flow!!! You specified MAX FLOW”

    or

    “Those are the big size. Those will not stay on! You specified that you needed the EXTRA SMALL!!!”

    Geez. These horrible comments are going to end my career. I just know it.

    • Hahaha!! End your career or make it really take off?

      Because horrible comments are my favourite ones.

  11. WAY more trouble than it’s worth.

    And I’m wondering, when a homeless guy takes the cart to haul his stuff around, will the cart say things like:

    “That’s too good a sleeping bag. The guys on fourth street will take it from you.”

    “That can of beans is past its expiration date.”

    “Don’t forget the empty bottle. It has 5 cents return value.”

    • It would probably also say things like, “Is that what you’re wearing today? You need a new shirt” and, “Can you please stop putting stray cats in me?”

      Useless cart.

      Thanks for dropping in again, KitchenMudge! Brilliant, as always! :)

  12. Interesting entry – scared of the shopping cart myself :p. We created a video for our London Fashion Week AW12 coverage including backstage, do have a look:

    http://implausibleblog.com/2012/02/18/london-fashion-week-aw12/

    • You’re not the only one who is scared, Farrukh…I’m sure every other man in the world is slightly frightened as well. ;)

      Thanks, I’ll check out your video!

      • I am in fear for all of mankind :p

  13. Haha, funny. Let’s see how many people get inspired to date shopping carts :)

    • I’m in the market for a new shopping cart, as long as it’s not from Wal-Mart. I want a shopping cart with some class…like one from Nieman Marcus.

      They have shopping carts, right? They’re probably pretty bossy and high maintenance, though.

      Thanks for stopping in, Communication Theory! Great to see new faces here! :)

  14. This is hilarious!

    • Glad you enjoyed it! Is it bad that I saw a lot of myself in that cart….?

      Thanks so much for stopping in, LiveAsAMovie! Much appreciated! ;)

  15. No way.

    It’s cool that it tells him he is broke and it might be helpful for someone who is disabled or injured. However, how lazy is this for the average person? Can’t we collect our own damn groceries? Is this really going to save us time at the supermarket since we still have to pull all of the items ourselves?

    • I know, right?! I mean, how has it come to this?? The fact that a man now needs a shopping cart to follow him around instead of just being a man and pushing one. Ridiculous.

      I feel like this is, without doubt, the most useless invention ever created. Even more so than dog boots. (Seriously, have you seen dogs wearing those boots? Stupidest thing I could imagine. And this grocery cart surpasses that…)

      Thanks for stopping in again, Posky! Always good to see you here! :)

  16. Sounds like my Idea of a DREAM CART, er I mean DATE.lol
    Just letting you know that I have deemed thee worthy of the Versatile Blogger Award. Rise Blog Princess.

    • I knew it. You totally look like the type of person who likes to be bossed around by a cart. I mean, who doesn’t though, right?

      Thanks so much for deeming me worthy, Air Cooled! Wow! I’ll have to go check that out…thanks so much!! :D

      • Yea, I am just a pushover. But alas Ladies, I am Taken (kept- lol)

  17. 41 victoriasvisits

    HA! Oh my, so you have a funny audience too. I think “Lazy Bastardness” is my new favorite word for the day. I have to say though, the fact that the cart had “Whole Foods” plastered on it was more than a little ironic. I’m not sure that thing is at all ‘green’.
    PCC, you’re entries are the perfect antidote to my occasional ventures into morbid moroseness. :) Sort of like that workout I have to have after the chocolate mousse.
    Why am I missing your ‘About’ page? I think I need a robot to do my looking for me.
    Grins!
    Victoria

    • Honestly, I think I have the absolute BEST audience in the world!! Why? Firstly, because they actually bother to read my posts. Secondly, because they put up with my habit of sporadic posting. Thirdly, because they make me laugh so hard that it’s ridiculous.

      I’m so glad that you find my insane meanderings amusing, Victoria…I love that they can chase away your saddies, at least for a few minutes. :)

  18. The moment I saw him set the items in the bottom of the cart to scan them my belief that engineers do not live in the real world was once again reaffirmed. No doubt Michelle Antoinette Obama will want these in every approved food dispensary to keep a watchful motherly eye out for are health.

    • Agreed. Engineers do not live in the real world and create all kinds of things that the world will never need and will regret for ages to come (I’m allowed to say that because I’ve a few engineers in my family…so, it’s okay, right…?)

      If they make even ONE more of these things, I might lose my mind. I will probably end of screaming obscenities at it, softly mocking it until it gives up the will to live. I feel as though that would be well worth my time.

      Thanks for stopping in, Talon’s Point! Much appreciated! :)


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