Woolly Mammoths, Wingsuits, and Flying Dutchmen…High-Five Worthy?

22Mar12

Have you ever wondered why people do the things that they do? I’m not talking about wearing white after Labour Day (which I do), or why they wash the lids of a tuna can before opening it (which I also do); I’m talking about people who do crazy things. Things that they should never have attempted in the first place, and while they are aware of that, they continue to do said things.

Today, I couldn’t help but wonder about a couple of people (3 to be exact), and if they were, indeed, insane. On the one hand, I have mad respect for these guys and for the technological and scientific advances that they’ve made; on the other, I don’t think that I have mad respect for them…I just think they’re mad.

“Who are these people you speak of, PCC”, you ask? Oh, friends…get ready. Herein lies the top 3 crazy people that I either want to high-five or slap upside the head:

1) It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s….a flying Dutchman?

Alright, if this isn’t a hoax and is, in fact, real, this guy has got it going on. He seems to have worked out the mechanics and the physics of flight to the point that he made himself a pair of  human bird wings. He has actually achieved flight. Oh wait…didn’t we already do that? Sorry, guy, but you didn’t need to invent wings for yourself…we already have airplanes, helicopters, hot air balloons, and super cool video games that make you feel like you’re actually flying.*

That being said, I do respect the amount of time and energy you put into your invention, Dutchman, so I’d like to give you a high-five. However, I’m pretty certain I will be unable to actually reach your hand due to your enormous wingspan. Also, I’m afraid that you’d slap me in the face with the tip of your wings for gently mocking you, so an attempt at a high-five will not be made. Still, you’re alright, wing-ed Dutchman…you’re alright.

*I’m secretly wishing that I had invented human bird wings first.

2) Wingsuit + Flying Squirrel-like Acrobatics = Jeb Corliss

Okay, as crazy as I think this guy is, I have to applaud his mad soaring skills and complete lack of respect for human life. I mean, have you ever heard of anyone else that would fly THIS close to trees, mountains, and waterfalls? No. Of course not. And you know why? Because those people aren’t named “Jeb Corliss”.

Jeb is clearly insane, but is so deserving of a high-five that it almost makes me cry. Seriously, this guy is so cool that just Liking his Facebook Page made me feel a little cooler (and, let’s face it, I need all the help I can get in that department). And do you know how I’d high-five him? I’d be sort of  like the guy with the balloons at point 1:36 in the film clip. Only, instead of releasing balloons, I’d be releasing a whole lot of awesome… in atypical high-five fashion.

As a result, I’m pretty sure my arm would be torn off, but it’d still be worth it.

3) Fred Flintstone was onto something…Woolly Mammoth Burgers Would Be Delicious

I love how incredible advances in science and technology has made over the years. What, with robots who can take care of you in your old age, to medications that help you battle the flu, to the invention of the secret sauce on a Big Mac. We live in fascinating days, my friends.

This, however, is ridiculous.

Apparently, Russian and South Korean scientists intend on recreating a Woolly Mammoth from ancient DNA. You know…’cause they can. Yeah, thanks, scientists. I really appreciate you bringing back to life an animal the size of Rhode Island, who could impale me with its giant tusk to such a point that I would no longer be recognisable as a human being. Thanks.

This move forward is definitely slap-upside-the-head worthy. That is, unless we’re able to cut off pieces of mammoth steak from its legs (it won’t even notice) and barbeque them. I’d smother that Woolly Mammoth leg steak with some Big Mac secret sauce, invite some friends over, and have myself a proper BBQ.*

At that point, and only at that point, would it be high-five worthy.

*Is it okay to put “BYOWM” on the invitation? Probably, eh?

There's a reason these things died out, scientists. Why do you have to be such jerks and bring them back to life? Well, probably because you want to try Mammoth steak as well. I know it.

Do you agree with my extremely scientific analysis of each of these advances (i.e. high-five worthy or not)?

What other scientific or technological advances have you recently read about, of which you think I should be aware?

Would you eat a Wooly Mammoth steak if given the opportunity (i.e. Woolly Mammoth BBQ at my house)?



76 Responses to “Woolly Mammoths, Wingsuits, and Flying Dutchmen…High-Five Worthy?”

  1. Now I’m worried about contracting Mad Woolly Mammoth Disease from eating improperly ground Woollyburgers.

    • Don’t worry about that, Scott. I’m certain you won’t contract Mad Woolly Mammoth Disease…probably just Slightly Agitated Woolly Mammoth Disease.

      You simply get irritable for about 5 days and crave bacon. Some people confuse it with PMS.

      Thanks for stopping in, Scott! Always great to see you here! :)

  2. Hmmm I always did like the Flintstones…..

    • Told ya. That Fred was onto something. I’d eat a steak that flips my car over any day!

      Thanks for dropping by again, Deano! So happy to see you here! :)

      • Bronto Burgers!!! I am heading to your neck of the woods tomorrow for adventures in Ontario and Quebec. Going to be great – Poutine and Montreal cured meats are not quite Mammoth steaks but looking forward to eating them!

      • Seriously?? And you’re not heading to Toronto?! What’s up with that?!!

        Okay, you are going to overload on poutine. I guarantee it. That stuff is so delicious that you will never be able to eat fries without cheese and gravy again! Also, if you don’t eat a Montreal smoked meat sandwich while you’re there, you, sir, are dead to me.

        You really do get all over North America, don’t you? You’ve probably seen more of Canada and the US than any of us natives have! Haha!

      • Ha try my best! Dont worry will be in Toronto too! There for a few days this weekend then return in early April. Love Poutine!!!
        Whats good to eat in Toronto that is a local special?

      • Oh you are coming here, then? That’s great!! Well, as sad as it is, the local special would have to be Toronto’s street meat. Best in the world. (How lame is that for a response? Haha)

      • And I didnt see any!!! I will be back there later this week and will have to look more closely. I did have some good Japanese and Smokes poutine!

      • What the whaaaa??!! Seriously?! Oh, that’s awful. I’m sorry. When you come back this week, go to Yonge and Dundas, or maybe go to Kensington Market at Bathurst and Dundas and get some good eats there (not really street meat, but still good). :)

        I’m glad you had the poutine! It’s amazing!! :D

      • Ha, Ok I did eat some Ukrainian food at the St. Lawrence Market

      • Haha! Awesome. Now you just need to go to Kensington Market, push some of the hipsters off their 1950’s steel bikes with baskets, and celebrate with some Caribbean food. That would be a satisfying day, my friend.

      • We wandered through there as I was pushing my way to get a bubble tea in Chinatown…Hipster paradise indeed (at first my cousin and I were looking for a building like St. Lawrence, then a family informed us we were actually standing in Kensington Market!)

      • Hahaha!! Yeah, I guess you may not really realise it unless you know the area or someone tells you.

        Or you just know that it’s the place where all hipsters gather to discuss modern art and buy black-rimmed glasses.

      • There did seem to be ample black rimmed glasses!

      • Haha! Told you!

      • Been freezing away in Quebec City -7 the first day, snow yesterday

      • Oh no!! That’s awful weather! Yes, it’s freezing in Quebec City…almost year-round. Haha! Where are you now? Are things warming up at least a little bit? :)

    • Back in Seattle now

      • Aww…that sucks. :(

        You’re probably happy about that, though…a little warmer there than Quebec City, I’ll bet. ;)

    • Um yes and no, every journey has to end, but new ones start again soon :-)

      Here is the journey my stomach took in Canada :-) http://deanoworldtravels.wordpress.com/2012/04/03/a-canadian-journey-by-my-stomach/

      • Yes!! Can’t wait to read about it! I’m heading over to your blog right now… :)

  3. Well, first off, I can’t think of anything crazier than asking three questions at the end of a blog post you know I’m going to read. High fives!

    I actually just joined the Barbecue Intervention Group and Mammoth Admiration Committee. Elephants get so much attention from animal rights activists, while their distant cousins the mammoths have been ignored practically to extinction!

    We at BIG MAC are trying to elevate awareness by hosting a series of backyard BBQs to introduce an innovation of science I do think you should be aware of. This invention, called a Mass-conversion Device, genetically mutates a soy bean so that looks and tastes just like mammoth!

    More recently, BIG MAC has been partnering with another group – Consumers Honesty Enraged over the Eating of Sizable Elephants. Together, with the science of McD, BIG MAC and CHEESE hope to bring an end to the consumption of Mammoth burgers once and for all!

    • BIG MAC and CHEESE…probably the most brilliant comment I’ve ever received!!

      I tip my hat to you, Annie.

      • High fives?

        Actually, on a serious note, these are really great as is your brilliant commentary as always! You know as a skydiver, I totally give props to the squirrel suit. Jeb is insane though. The wing flapping bit is a little too Wright brothers for me.

      • Agreed. I feel like that was attempted about a hundred years ago, and we’re just going back in time with all that wing flapping. Still, it’s pretty amazing that he did it.

        As for Jeb, he’s about the coolest person on the planet, I think. I want to get a wingsuit. However, I’m pretty sure it will cause imminent death.

        What a ride that would be, though, eh? ;)

  4. 27 Anonymous

    What a fantastic Post!!!! Love it and the video really added to the story!!! Thank you!

    • Thanks very much! :)

  5. 29 Rene

    Also have to say Jeb is either crazy or very smart. He sure has no fear of heights.
    I’m sticking with Big Macs, no Mammoth burger for me, too woolly.

    Good post.

    • He’s crazy like a fox! Definitely high-five worthy…crazy wingsuit wearing, death-defying fox…

      Thanks, Rene! ;)

  6. You can flyyyy :)

    http://100quotes.wordpress.com/

    • Well…I could if I had a wingsuit. ;)

      • I love this:

        My inspiration: :P

        Amazing… ;)

        http://100quotes.wordpress.com/

      • What the whaaaa??!! Those guys are crazy!! But, also super cool.

        Thank you SO much for sharing these videos, 100 Quotes! So awesome!!

  7. Definitely high five x three!

    • Well, I’m not sure I’d high-five the recreation of a Woolly Mammoth. Those things will take over the Earth. I know it.

      Thanks for stopping in, A Piece of Sweden! Much appreciated and great to have you here! :)

  8. LOL – Hilarious.

    Jeb Corliss, i came to know of this guy through my recent built interest in base jumping, and i saw that video of Table Mountain where he jumps and almost gets impaled by the rocks, still getting his legs broken.

    He’s clearly insane. I know that base jumping is fun, but the fact you completely disregard your life when you have a loving family who would get up and rush if only you get a scratch.

    Excellent post again PCC!

    • Wait wait wait wait wait….you base jump, Ibrahim??! Are you kidding me?? If so, then your coolness factor just went WAY up. Even more than before! Wow. Impressive.

      Yeah, Jeb is insane (but also super cool), and I guess it was only a matter of time before something like that happened to him. That video is incredible.

      Thanks so much, Ibrahim! Always glad to have you drop by! :)

      • Lol no PCC i don’t do base jumping, but i am interested in doing it, will do it someday though :D.

        Btw what’s your good name?. I find it a little weird calling a person by their username haha.

      • When you base jump, please, oh PLEASE videotape it! I’ve gotta see that. :)

        I don’t really like to put my real name out there, Ibrahim…a little mystery is good. ;) But, if you read through some past posts, you’ll find it hidden in there or the comments. ;)

      • Lol, i will definitely make a video, that’s a thing i don’t want to miss myself doing! lol.

        It’s ok, if you don’t want to put your real name here, then i have to respect that :D

  9. Great Post!!
    Birdman actually took off from the ground! I would do anything to get that kind of a feeling, it looked absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing this cool stuff! :)

    • Okay, so you don’t think it was a hoax then? I’m sort of still on the fence, but the more I watch it, the more I think it was real as well. It’s amazing. Also, way too bird-like.

      Thanks so much for stopping in, Eeshan! Great to have you here! :)

      • After I shared it on facebook, my friends told me it was in fact a hoax, but somehow, I just don’t want to believe that it’s not possible.
        It’s too damn awesome! :)

      • Aaah…okay, so hoax confirmed, then. That’s too bad…it would’ve been really cool if it worked.

        It is SO awesome! When I tell people about it, I’m still going to tell them it’s real… ;)

      • Ha ha! That’ll be cool! And some time in my life, I’m gonna try it! ;)

      • Me too!! And that will be my last day on Earth, I’m sure…haha.

  10. This one blew me away:

    It might seem a little boring at first, but stick with it, and I think you’ll be amazed.

    • Yes! I saw this a couple of weeks ago for the first time! Isn’t it amazing??!!

      Thanks for sharing, Journal Pulp! And great to have you here! :)

  11. Reblogged this on theconservativehillbilly.

  12. HAHA!, PCC, I’m the mother of a ‘wingsuiter’, they call themselves ‘flockers’ and it is just the coolest thing in the world to watch. My son was apparently born without the ‘self-preservation’ gene, and wingsuits like a bird. Watching him so much finally convinced me to skydive, and it is the best. Wingsuiting though? I’ll leave for the true crazies! BTW, did you hear Jeb grazed Table Mountain in Spain on his latest wingsuiting adventure? Broke two legs and an ankle, and said “I misjudged the mountain and got spanked.” Tougher than hell, that monkey-man!
    Victoria

    • Okay, first of all, can I just say that I think you’re one of the coolest mothers EVA!!! The fact that you encourage your son to be a wingsuiter is awesome. But then you go ahead and further impress me with the fact that it inspired you to skydive?! Are you kidding me?! Awesome. If you were in front of my right now, I’d shake your hand.

      And then ask you to take me skydiving.

      I did hear about Jeb’s accident, and I can’t believe that he only broke his 2 legs. Had that been me, I would have been demolished. The mountain would’ve broken my legs, shattered my wrists, and then slapped me upside the head. I know it.

      How long has your son been a flocker? Have you ever seen him do it live? Did you have a mild heart attack when you watched?

      You, my friend, are an amazing woman! So cool! Thanks for dropping in! :)

      • 53 victoriasvisits

        HAHA! PCC, you’re a kick. I am really enjoying your blog. Today is “Decision Day” for the Ivies, and I have two daughters that are glued to their computers for acceptance letters. I am going to look around your blog for your higher education entries.
        Jeb is the funniest little crazed man, and yes, I too would have been a pile of wreckage after his latest dustup. Really fun to follow his exploits.
        My son started to flock after his 300th jump, which is a United States Parachuting Association requirement. I do watch him wingsuit, and I would say the very best time was when he treated me to a ‘balloon jump’ before I started to skydive myself. He has a GoPro helmet cam, and made a video of it. 20 year old boys think they’re bulletproof of course, so the part of the video that cracked me up the most was seeing this huge kid teetering on the edge of the hot air balloon basket like a giant bird, aiming the camera at me, and then (voice cracking) “Love you, Ma!” Before leaping into the air. Awesome last words! :)
        Seriously though, if this kind of stuff interests you, we can compare notes sometime about trauma, children and brain chemicals. He started to skydive when his father was in the last stages of colon cancer, and it lifted his soul. The kid has been chem- and alcohol free his whole life, but if ever there was a near miss, it was when his had to bury his father with me and his sisters.
        The ensuing battle with depression was HUGELY alleviated by his flying. Does it worry me? Of course :)
        But, really, skydiving is much more fun than should be allowed. Come to Denver anytime, and we’ll set you up! Am subscribed too and looking forward to your posts! :) V

      • Okay, first of all, it needs to be said that you and your son are about the coolest people I’ve ever heard of, Mother Flocker…the coolest people EVER! I love that you both have such a zeal for life and embrace such craziness!

        Seriously, if I get to Denver anytime soon, I’m coming to visit you and we’re going skydiving. Like, the moment that I arrive.

        Thanks so much for your kind words, V! I appreciate them so very much! :)

  13. I would totally be in to eating mammoth burgers but how would the dishes get cleaned?

    • Silly…you give them to Dino!

      Haven’t you learned anything from The Flintstones, Mitchell??

  14. The credits on Jeb Corliss’ video don’t say who his heroic health insurance company is, or is he Canadian?

    In my childhood (just before Atlantis disappeared), books about prehistory often included a scene of Neanderthals trapping a mammoth. The assumption was that they were hunted to extiction because they were good eatin’. Think of how much pleistocene poutine gravy you could make with one.

    • Dude, I wish Canadians were as cool as Jeb! There aren’t many of us out there, though…unfortunately. We’re too much accountant and not enough rock star, I think.

      I would eat a mammoth burger…more than that, I would love it. But nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING would taste so good as mammoth poutine. Probably the best suggestion anyone has ever made, Kichen Mudge. I mean that. :)

      • Oh, by the way, the birdman seems to be a confirmed hoax now:

        http://gizmodo.com/5895638/flying-bird-man-admits-flying-bird-man-is-fake++here-he-is

        The way the wings move didn’t make any sense. Nothing like the way bird wings move. Sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.

      • Ah, yes, I heard about that…it’s a shame, really. Way to be a jerk, Birdman.

  15. 61 fivereflections

    This was great fun to walk

    David in Maine USA

    Siri dictation~

    • Thanks very much, David! :)

  16. The birdman and the other flying video were AWESOME! Hahaha, I don’t care what anyone else says.. I can only imagine the feeling those guys got during flight… so awesome!!! Ahh!!!!! :D

    Edwin

    • I know, right?! I mean, Jeb is my hero. I want to do what he does without the risk of dying…what might that be? Jumping in a bouncy castle? Yeah, probably.

      I’ll be all over that bouncy castle this weekend. I just like to live on the edge like that.

      As always, thanks so much for stopping in, Edwin! :D

      P.S. Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond…I haven’t had a chance to even check my blog in ages!! I need to post something again soon!!

  17. “my extremely scientific analysis”… I love when you talk with irony lol !! just kidding ^^

    Even if it’s crazy, I think that the fact of flying by your own can be really exciting, even if you can do it from an airplane or helicopter as well. But it still being crazy lol

    Jeb Corliss…I’m sure that you would love to do such a thing, am I wrong? ^^

    • Oh, you are not wrong, my friend!! I would LOVE to do what Jeb does!! I think it would be amazing to fly like that!

      My biggest problem is that I’d be wondering if that spandex suit you have to wear to do it would make me look fat though… ;)

      Thanks Javi…always love hearing from you! :)

  18. Hi Christy. :-)

    Hope yer doin’ good.

    • Hey Nathan, yeah I’m okay but I’ve just been so busy that I haven’t had a chance to even log into wordpress for the past couple of weeks. I’m sorry. :(

      I’m going to try to stop by both of your sites soon, and hopefully I’ll get a chance to post again real soon!

      P.S. Thanks so much for your comment…very much appreciated. :)

  19. 69 Tom

    I would love to try the wings out, just don’t know what to do when I get tired. As for the squirrel man, I have to respect the courage–wish I could try it. How does one get introduced? Jump off a cliff with webbed arms and hope for the best?!?

    Bring out mammoths! We could use some more arctic animals. :)

    LOL!

    • Well, I think that if you’re using the wings or the wingsuit and you get tired, you will probably die. Just a warning.

      As for the mammoths, I’m sure you’ll change your tune once they take over the world. If they crossed the Bering Strait once before, they can do it again…

      Thanks for stopping in, Tom! ;)

  20. Hello. This a friendly reminder that you have not posted in nearly a month and that the world needs you to go ahead and do that again. Quickly. Please? Thank you.

    • Aww….thank you, Adam! Yes, I know it’s been WAAAAY too long since I’ve posted, but I just haven’t had a chance to do it! I’m so sorry.

      Thank you for your very sweet comment, though…it’s giving me the push to make sure that I post THIS WEEK! No excuses!!! :)

      Thanks Adam. xo

      • 73 Jeff Walker

        I’m with Adam. I hadn’t seen something from you appear in my inbox for so long that I came to your site to see if either my subscription had inadvertendly been dropped or if something was wrong. I’m glad it’s only that you’re too busy lately. I can relate. Glad all is well and am looking forward to more from you when you’ve got the time. :)

      • Aww…that’s so nice. Thank you, Jeff! I do believe I will post tomorrow as I think I’ll have time! I’m so sorry that it’s taken me so long to even log in lately, but it’s nice to know that someone was missing me. Thanks! :)

  21. “Hooda thunk “Grindin da Crack” would have anuda meaning?” – Marion Barry

    • Is it weird that I thought the very same thing the first time I read that phrase? Probably not…I think everyone thinks it at first. Those who say they don’t are just lying… ;)


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