Dumpsville: 11 Signs That You’re On Your Way There…

24Apr12

Okay, so first of all, I really do feel the need to apologise to you all for my absence as of late…I’m so sorry (<— that was heartfelt…could you tell? If not, just imagine me saying it with one tear falling down my cheek with One Republic playing in the background….then you’ll feel it). I haven’t had an opportunity to post, nor have I been able to read all of your posts lately (which, I might add, I’ve really missed doing), but I’m back, baby! Thanks to all of you that said you missed my posts and reminded me that I needed to post again soon….much appreciated! :)

Alright, enough of the mushy stuff…

I’ve said this a million times before, but just in case someone new is reading this blog for the first time, I’ll mention it again: I work at a college. Since I work at a college, I have access to the thoughts and actions of teenagers/young adults, which is priceless. Now, I don’t know if this post was inspired simply from students or the fact that I’ve been listening to Usher’s Confessions all week  at my desk ( I know…so lame), but it got me thinking about all the ways that you know someone is about to break up with you.

"Dear Baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you."

You see, there are many things that you kids need to look out for that are clear indications that you’re about to be dumped. Is this a happy topic to talk about? Of course not! But it’s real life…and sort of hilarious, when you think of it.

So, kids, how do you know when someone is about to break up with you? Why, when things like this happen, of course:

1 ) When your boyfriend says he’s going to take the same class as you next semester….and then drops out of school.

2 ) When your girlfriend says, “We need to talk”…and you never hear from her again.

3 ) When your boyfriend starts asking for his stuff back from you: “Hey, can I get that sweater back that I lent you?”

4 ) When, every time his phone rings, he says it’s his sister calling…and he’s an only child.

5 ) When you get an email from your girlfriend saying that she thinks you should start seeing other people…because she already is.

6 ) When your boyfriend changes his relationship status on Facebook to “It’s complicated”.

7 ) When your boyfriend categorises you as an “acquaintance” on Facebook.

8 ) When your boyfriend deletes you as a friend on Facebook….doesn’t even want you to be an acquaintance anymore.

9 ) When you ask your girlfriend what she’s doing this weekend and she says that she wishes you’d “stop planning for the future so much”.

10 ) When your boyfriend tries to set you up with one of his friends. (That’s usually a pretty bad sign…usually.)

11 ) When your boyfriend plays Usher’s song Confessions for you and asks you to listen for the “hidden meaning”…


So, kids, the next time you try to call your boyfriend or girlfriend only to find out that they’ve changed their number without telling you, or when you tell them that you love them and they say, “Thanks. Do you know what I love? Whoppers! Let’s go to Burger King…”, or even when their birthday is 2 weeks away and they tell you that you “don’t need to keep that night free”, you will know what’s coming.

Hopefully, you’ll be able to beat ‘em to the punch and break up with them first! Just make sure that you have Kelly Clarkson’s song Stronger playing in the background…because everyone needs a theme song. :)

 

What other “break-up signs” have you witnessed in your lifetime?

Do you have a Break-Up Theme Song? What is it?

Did you find this to be a ridiculously depressing post? Should I delete it immediately?

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56 Responses to “Dumpsville: 11 Signs That You’re On Your Way There…”

  1. “It’s funny ’cause it’s true” – Homer Simpson :-)

    • Haha! Yes!! Love it.

      Also, this has absolutely nothing to do with this post or your comment, just Homer Simpson, but I need to say it – “Saxamaphone”.

      • Classic! Homers reply to Lisa’s demand to not eat at a pizza or burger joint “ooh I know, let’s go to Mars!”

      • Hahaha!!! Or how about, “Oh, so they have the internet on computers now!”

      • Internet hey

      • Hahaha!!

  2. Never delete immediately! As preposterous as some of those sound for happening in real life I was “wooing” a girl I met through a certain internet dating site (as advertised by Lady Gaga) and I did discover that she changed her facebook relationship status to having hooked up with her lecherous boss. When she next rang me she seemed quite taken aback with my mood and when I explained she actually said: “Oh, you’ve seen that?” Some people.
    FM

    • Well, I don’t know. This was one post that I felt like deleting as soon as I wrote it…I was certain that people would think that I was absent from the blogosphere because I was nursing a broken heart or something. (I’m not, just to be clear…haha).

      As for your Gaga-site girl, wow…that’s unbelievable. Well, not really, I guess. There are some pretty thick people living in this world…and most of them can be found on dating websites and Facebook.

      Thanks for stopping in again, FM…always great to see you here! :)

  3. l wish you the best .l am glad you are felling refreshed.Hope to heare from you ,and read your new ideas and thoughts .My regards

    • Thanks very much! I promise I’ll write more often than I have been as of late! :)

  4. Haha, careful with that tear, Tinman. :)

    When he suddenly uses a term of endearment you’ve never heard before.

    When you wake up with a condom stuck to your leg… and you’ve been gone a week. Yeah, I wrote that one… I’ll share the link.

    http://anneschilde.wordpress.com/2010/12/28/dead-end-streets/

    I don’t have a break-up song, but I’ve written some stuff for the piano that gets the job done.

    It would definitely be more depressing if you let us comment for a couple of days before deleting the post. :)

    • I know, right? Tinman might be getting a little too emotional today…it’s good to be back. :)

      Okay, how have I not read that post yet?? I’m reading that. Like, immediately.

      I don’t really have a breakup song either…I just write my own too. And then I sing them at the top of my lungs, all full of rage and stuff. You can see it, can’t you? Fortunately, I haven’t had to write one of those in a while. I’d like to hear yours, though!

      As always, thanks for dropping by again, Annie! You’re the best! :D

      • Hehe! I can totally see it!

        At the risk of polluting your blog with my links, here’s the only song I ever wrote with a link to a recording of my piano accompaniment…

        http://anneschilde.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/almost/

      • Whatever…you can pollute my blog with links to your blog all you want, Annie! You’ve earned it and you’re awesome.

        P.S. Loved the song!! Is there anything that you’re not good at?? <3

      • Haha, well for sure I can’t sing and play! I only speak one language. I’m not good at apologies. I have like zero control over my emotions, my OCD, and the other voices in my head. I can’t paint my nails on my right hand. I can’t open pickle jars. I can’t follow instructions very well. I can’t tell when to shut up. Um, okay this time I can…

        Glad you liked my song. :)

      • Well, I can sing and play at the same time, but it’s rather mediocre. I speak 1.5 languages (that’s right…I can only half-speak French). I apologise WAY too much to the point that the words are now virtually meaningless to others. I am the Tinman (= No Emotion). I have OCD when it comes to germs. I hear no voices in my head…even my own…when I’m trying to think…nothin’. I can’t paint my nails on either hand. I end up breaking the pickle jar before even really trying to open it properly. I also can’t follow instructions very well (just ask my bosses and every teacher I’ve ever had in my life). I tell others to shut up (= jerk).

        So, yeah, I think I win at things that people can’t do. ;)

        I still think you’re pretty awesome at everything you put your hand to! SO talented!!

  5. 17 steve@bayintegratedmarketing.com

    Sounds like you’ve had a tough few weeks, but hey girl, your back! Somehow age gives things like that perspective. My daughter is 22 and went through being dumped last year. Tears and tantrums for a few weeks, but now she’s back in the saddle and riding like hell!!!

    • Hey Steve!

      Well, I knew that this post, the first in a LOOOONG time, would make people think that I’ve just gone through a breakup, but I haven’t! I’m good! Haha. I guess it’s something that was just rolling around in my brain for the past couple of weeks, but I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had a chance to write anything! I know…unforgivable. ;)

      As for your daughter, she’s a tough cookie and has a Dad that loves her very much, so I’m not surprised that she’s back in the saddle. Good for her! I will say, however, that I hope it never happens to her again…breakups suck. And she sounds too awesome for any guy to be stupid enough to break up with her!

      Thanks for dropping by again, Steve! Great to hear from you!

  6. Loved this one :)

    • Thanks so much, Ranadive. :)

  7. Haven’t gone through any break ups yet (read: LIAR)..but yay! Now I have this :D

    • Yeah, no I haven’t gone through any breakups before either…I don’t know what that feels like at all! ;)

      Always glad to help out, Happiness! Great to have you here! :D

  8. I was just thinking this evening that I hadn’t see anything from you lately and TADA here you are. GOOD To have you here.. the one about’ dont plan our future? That seems to ring a bell with me from way back in my past.. WOW lol. Its funny- NOW GRIN.

    • Yeah, I know…it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve been able to post. I’m sorry. :(

      Yeah, I think that if someone ever says that you’re looking too far into their future with you after you’ve only just asked them what their dinner plans are, then that’s a pretty clear indication that things aren’t going swimmingly…. ;)

      Thanks, Air Cooled! Great to hear from you again!

  9. You were going to break up with yourself a few posts back. How did that go?

    Dang, another reason not to use Facebook. All this “status” stuff I hear about really forces one to choose; something no one wanted to do when I was young.

    • *Sigh*…it went okay. I just deleted myself as a friend from Facebook. I’m hoping that I get the message, you know?

      As always, thanks for stopping in again, Kitchen! I always love reading your comments…always make me laugh! :)

  10. Dear PCC I do not need the opposite gender to feel complete. I also do not need air or water or food. I’m into meditation now, where I sit, cross-legged on the floor of my apartment and try not to think of girls. Also, I liked number 6. Because it’s complicated.

    • I feel like you are probably using your time wisely. I think that, as long as you are on a different spiritual plane, then you don’t need to worry about what others call “essentials”. I mean, really? Bread and water? Oxygen? Human interaction?

      Ridiculous.

      Thanks for stopping in again, David! Always great to hear from you! :)

  11. First off, let me just run this up the flag pole…..

    Fair is fair, so that little ray of sunshine was because you made me click on Usher’s damn video. :-(

    For shame.

    Okay, I’ve just to interject here a pointer that girls often get confused about.
    Break up time is not hug time.

    Again, break up time… is not hug time.

    It’s break up time.

    Are we trackin’ here? If the guy just broke up with you, save face and walk away holding your chin up. Cry with your friends later, while eating lost popcorn kernels out of each others disastrous cry hair. But keep your composure in the moment.
    You may have relied on this punk for emotional support in the past, but when he breaks up with you, he is relinquishing those duties.
    So don’t throw your arms around him and cry on his shoulder for thirty minutes outside, in the snow, when it’s bloody cold.

    Why?

    Because he’s probably anxious to get back to the car where his new girlfriend is waiting. I mean, that my friends, is just the screwed up way that college boys are. And college girls too.

    Oh, and if he hasn’t answered his phone in a week, is never in his dorm at night… and when you ask his friends if everything’s okay between you and him and they say, “Between him and who???”, that is what we call… “disappearing”.
    If he displays these signals of disappearance, let him go.
    It’s like a balloon that disappears into the clouds. You don’t go chase it. It’s gone. He’s gone, but he doesn’t want to tell you because he feels bad and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

    Just sayin’.

    • Oh, by the way… hot problems is my break up song.
      :-D

      • Good. Because it’s probably the most appropriate song that you could possibly use.

        P.S. I clearly did not approve your other comment (as per your wishes), but I was thinking the EXACT same thing!! Haha!! Just so you know…

    • Hahaha!!! YES!! I watched that video last week! “Hot girls we have problems too”. No one else I know has any idea what I’m talking about when I sing that! Oh, Nathan…we were meant to be friends.

      Also, yes, agreed. If a guy breaks up with you, it’s because he can’t stand your face anymore. Since we all know that people make ugly faces when they cry, this means that, when he says it’s over and you really start to bawl, he REALLY can’t stand your face anymore. He doesn’t want to hug you. He wants get away from you as quickly as humanly possible and pretend as though that chapter of his life with you never even existed.

      Why is this so difficult for girls to understand??

      I’m going to pass along your advice to every female college student I possibly can. They ALL need to hear it. And when they realise the horrible truth and it makes them so sad that they begin to cry, I’ll punch them in the jugular to distract them enough to stop the unending flow of tears.

      Yes. That sounds like a good plan.

      (By the way, thanks for stopping in again, Nathan….you always leave hilarious comments!) :)

  12. 33 kumar

    u r so cute! marry me?

    • Haha! Well, thanks very much, Kumar!

  13. I checked around a few higher education rulebooks, policies and procedure manuals and could not find anything even remotely recommending punching students in the jugular, even if distraction from a greater malady is the desired goal. As always, fabulous post. I’ve been on both sides of Dumpsville…but that was a galaxy ago. I will say this…if I had the wisdom then I do now, I would have handled both types of “departure” much more professionally…no going for the jugular either way. Seems as if we’ve both slowed down on posting recently. Looking forward to increased production from ya. Always a pleasure PCC!

    • Hmm…perhaps you’re right. BUT, I’m pretty sure that, somewhere in there, it says that it’s okay to punch people in the sternum. In fact, I’m certain of that.

      Thanks so much, Sports! Always great to hear from you! Yeah, I need to start posting more often again…I just haven’t had the time recently. I’m going to try to get one done either today or tomorrow! :)

  14. 37 thesubterraneanworld

    This one was informative :)
    Regards,
    Naima.

    • Thanks very much, Naima! :)

      • 39 thesubterraneanworld

        Most Welcome :)
        Your blog is great :) I would love you to drop by my blog too :)
        – Naima.

  15. Hilarious! And for the record, your apology was backgrounded by “Stop and Stare” -OneRepublic.

    I have made it a pattern to start getting my stuff back as soon as she starts asking for her things back.. I’ve lost an iPod shuffle, a couple of t shirts, and countless books and CDs!

    Ugh.

    Great post though!

    Edwin

    • Aha! Yes! That is the exact song I was thinking of!

      Thanks so much for stopping in, Edwin…always appreciated. :)

  16. 42 Posky

    This is my favorite one that you’ve done in a while. Also you referenced one of my favorite moments from The Simpsons. That’s double the points and triple the… uh… zoinks…. I guess.

    • Thanks, Posky…I figured that you can’t go wrong with The Simpsons. Especially when quoting Homer. His wisdom is inspiring.

  17. Wow, Congradulations, you just took me back thirty-five years. Who says you can never travel back in time????? Great job with the post!

    • Well, I figured everyone loves a good dumping story and yet they hate it when it happens to themselves – hopefully this’ll prepare some people for what’s coming…

      Either that or it will give them ideas on how to avoid all of these signs and shock-dump someone themselves.

      Thanks for stopping in, Ecodolphin! Much appreciated! :)

  18. Or you could just say to whoever is trying to dump you: “Oh, I am so glad you said it first. Now I won’t feel guilty moving on and dating that guy/girl I went out with last night. Thank you. Please try not to miss me:).

    • Yes. I would like to officially say that this is point #12.

      However, I’d be terrible at this…I would say those words with such confidence, and as soon as I turn around, I would break into tears and pathetically sob, “Why don’t you like me??!!”

      I’m terrible at dumping and/or being dumped. Just terrible at it. I should practice more to improve my skills.

      Thanks so much for dropping by, NY Parrot! Always great to see new faces here! :)

      • I’ve experienced being on both ends at different times in my life, and can officially say – for me being dumped is so much easier, then to dump another human being. And of course I cry a LOT after someone breaks my heart like for 5 days non-stop… But at the moment of actual breaking up, I am keeping it together. And how I manage to do that? I rehearse the conversation in my head in advance, cause usually we do notice signs of a partner cooling down to us…usually…but not always.. I’ve been through ‘I love you’ day before, and then out of nowhere – “it’s not gonna work’. At this particular time I managed to say ‘Well… I hope you’ll find what you are looking for’ – not the best line, but – not worse. And, guess what, I have not seen or replied to any of his emails or phone calls afterwards, and he was trying to get me back three months later – and then it was actually me – not him – doing the breaking up thing. True story!

      • First of all, if someone ever says, “It’s not gonna work” to me, I’ll reply back with, “No! You’re not gonna work! YOU’RE not gonna work!” and then I’ll run away from him with my arms flailing about…that’ll show him what he’s missing.

        Secondly, the guy who broke up with you is an idiot and he’s clearly seeing that now, hence all of the phone calls and emails. You don’t need that nonsense – just remind him that you’re far too awesome for it, and to save the drama for his mama. And then tell him that all of these emails are just “not gonna work” for you…
        :)

      • Thank you for your kind words of support, girlfriend:). It’s been a year since the initial day of our break up and I sincerely can’t care less about him. First three months were really hard on me, but I know even back then that it’s gonna pass. And I have not replied to any of his messages – I know it’s hard on any human being just being ignored, and I choose ‘no contact’ tactic as my lethal weapon. It works! It’s hard to not call or answer phone calls from someone you love at the moment, but it gets easier as time passes. Time Wounds all Hills… Time really heals all wounds.

      • Aww…I’m sorry that it’s been so tough. Breakups are never easy, no matter what has transpired. But it sounds like you’re handling it really well! You know me…I’d be yelling out swears and flailing my arms at this point. You, however, are much stronger than that. Kudos to you, love!

        OOOOOO <— those are some big hugs for you. :)

      • Huge hug back!:)

  19. Hilarious post! Thanks!

    • Well, thanks for reading, Hook! :)

  20. Epic post!….i got one to add:
    Your girlfriend gets a restraining order against you!!

    • Nah…I’m pretty sure that means she’s just playing hard-to-get.

      Thanks again, Satirical Satty! Always great to see you here! ;)


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