Elevator Etiquette 101 (Hint #1: Don’t Sniff Hair)
To the guy who sniffed my hair on the elevator this morning,
First of all, stop it.
Secondly, I feel as though you need a lesson in elevator etiquette. I’m sure that you’re guilty of more than one of these (in fact, I know you are seeing as how you violated about 4 of them on the 2 minute ride up this morning), and I think you need to change your behaviour before you permanently become one of these:
Yesterday morning, I was at my college, in the elevator with 7 other people. Three of them got out on the 3rd floor, leaving plenty of room for all of us to shift around. What does the guy in front of me do? He stays planted, right where he was in the beginning of this ride. His backpack was in my face. The heels of his feet were uncomfortably close to my toes. I looked at the girl to my right, she took one look at me, and then shifted to her right to give me some space.
She understood the concept of elevator shifting. The guy, however, did not. Don’t be a non-shifter. They’re the worst.
2. Face-to-Face Standers
Everyone knows that, when you get into an elevator, you’re supposed to walk in, turn around, and then face the doors, right? Wrong. Last week, a guy walked into the elevator, looked me square in the eye, and just stood there, facing me. My back was against the wall of the elevator and there were about 5 other people in it with us. I just stood there, eyebrows raised, eyes shifting around the small space, wondering when this guy was going to turn around and face the doors like he was supposed to do.
There we stood, face-to-face, at, what I believe to be, the most uncomfortable moment in either of our lives. Remember to always face the elevator doors. No matter what. Even if you know the person in the elevator with you…show your back to them and face the doors.
Don’t sniff people’s hair in the elevator. That’s weird. It’s never acceptable to do that.
4. The “Hold-the-Elevator” Guy
No. No, I will not do that. There are several elevators that you may take, sir, and I’ve just waited 5 minutes for this one…you can wait for the next one. This one is full. And you’re 100 meters away. And you’re walking slowly, forcing everyone to wait on you while you saunter on up to the elevator.
No. I will not hold the elevator for you…unless it’s empty. And you’re running towards it. And you don’t boss me around by telling me to do something, like “hold the elevator”.
5. The Singer
This is the person who sings along to their iPod or, worse yet, the elevator music. I can’t hear your iPod, so all I hear is your voice, echoing off the walls of the elevator. Elevator music is terrible (just terrible!), and there is no need to sing along to it.
Come on…you can not sing for at least 2 minutes (says the girl who sings all the time). Don’t ever be The Singer…they get beaten up a lot.
6. The Onion Bagel Eater
Please don’t eat your onion bagel in the elevator. I don’t need to smell onion bagel first thing in the morning.
Also, please breathe with your mouth shut.
7. The Button-Starer
For some reason, people seem to forget their numbers and how to count when they get into an elevator. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in an elevator where a person gets in and then stares at the buttons for about 37 seconds, deciding which one to push. It’s not that hard…I mean, you can count, right? The numbers still go in order once you get into the elevator.
Just push 4. It comes after 3 and before 5. Stop staring at the buttons and choose one, please.
8. The Phone-Talker
There is no need for you to speak so loudly when you’re on your phone. We get it. You’re very important and this phone call could not wait for 3 minutes for when you will actually be in your office. I understand that. All I’m asking is that you don’t speak so loudly. It’s a confined space and the sheer decibel with which you speak has shattered my eardrum.
So, my dear hair-sniffing elevator companion, I hope that you take these tips to heart and change your behaviour. Like, immediately.
If you don’t, the next time we’re in the elevator together, I’ll be forced to listen to my iPod, sing along to music that you can’t hear, and then shatter your eardrum. I feel like that’s only fair.
What do people do/not do in an elevator that drives you crazy?
Have you ever been a Non-Shifter?
Do you eat onion bagels? If so, do you apologise for it every time you meet someone in the elevator?
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Tags: close talkers, Education, elevator, elevator doors, etiquette, humor, manners, onion bagels, uncomfortable moment