Why I’m Cheating on Canada With Ireland

20Jun12

All the signs warned me that I shouldn’t do it, but I couldn’t resist the temptation. (Sidenote: I did, in fact, go beyond that sign onto the edge of the Cliffs of Moher. Couldn’t help it.)

I’m a cheater. I’ve done it before and, in about a week and a half, I’m about to do it again. And I don’t feel badly about it. I know I should come clean about what happened last year, especially since I’m about to do it again, so here goes, Canada…

Canada, I love you. I mean, I really love you and I never want to leave you, but sometimes I get a little bored with you. Sure, you’ve got amazing mountains, incredible bodies of water, and a lovely personality, but sometimes, a girl just needs a change. For instance:

• Sometimes you can be a bit moody. I mean, are you hot? Are you cold? Which is it?? For example, today it is about 35C with a humidex of 40C (95F and 104F, respectively), but in a few months, you’ll be somewhere around the -20C (-4F) mark, with a windchill of around -25C (-13F). Really? What am I to do with that? You’re all over the place!
• For the most part, you’re quite polite, but sometimes, sometimes, being in a big city like Toronto brings out the worst in you. I feel like that’s something you need to work on.
• Quite often, you’re far too busy. It’s always go-go-GO with you. Occasionally, I’d like to just relax and enjoy the simpler aspects of life. I’m not sure that you’re able to do that anymore. You’ve changed.
• Sometimes I think you’re a little too young for me. I might need to be with someone a little more mature, who has more life experience.
• You’re a little too organised. I need a little more chaos and drama in my life to keep things interesting.

I think that about sums it up. What’s that, you ask? Why am I choosing Ireland to cheat with?? Are you sure you want to go there? It might sting a little…okay. You and I have been together for a long time, and you deserve to know the truth, I suppose. I did have a liaison with Ireland last year, and I fell in love. Not the kind of love that would make me leave you, but the kind of love that makes me want to go all Bridges of Madison County on you. Here’s why:

• Ireland is stable (at least temperature-wise). It decided, early on, exactly what it wanted to be, and there are no drastic changes in its temperment (temperature?). It varies between 4C and 18C (39F and 64F, respectively), and you always know what you’re going to get: rain. I find that comforting.

Cold? Windy? Rainy? Yes. Perfect. (Taken at the Ring of Kerry).

• Ireland is the nicest and most polite place that I’ve ever been. It’s always willing to lend a helping hand, regardless of your background. It also has a cool accent.

Check out this guy. Last year, I was extremely lost and stopped him to ask for directions on how to get to Kilmainham Gaol…he took time out of his day to walk with me the 30 minutes it took to get there and then even came inside with me. The Irish are the most helpful people in the world!

• Ireland is SO laid back and enjoys the simple life. I mean, when was the last time you just sat back and enjoyed a pint…or 4?

This was the first Irish pint (but certainly not my last!) I had in Dublin.

• Ireland has rainbows and leprechauns, and therefore, pots of gold.

This photo doesn’t do it justice, but this was the most incredible rainbow I’ve ever seen. After the photo was taken, I then paddled a boat across the water to reach the end of the rainbow. All I found were some Lucky Charms. They were magically delicious. (Photo taken in County Clare)

If they didn’t exist, they wouldn’t have to put up signs warning you that they were lurking about… (Photo taken at the Ring of Kerry)

• Ireland has universities and colleges that are incredibly really old. Some of them first opened in 1311!
• Ireland is mature and historical. If I had to characterise each of you, I’d say that Ireland would be like the old guy with a pipe in his mouth, a Tom Selleck moustache, and a story to tell (perhaps The Most Interesting Man in the World?). You would be like the 16 year old kid with a lollipop in your mouth, a goatee that had to be filled in with eyeliner, and an anecdote.

Try as I might, I just could not push over those megalithic stones. And I’m pretty tough. (Photo of Drombeg Circle in County Cork)

Do YOU have castles that were built in the 13th Century?? Yeah…didn’t think so. (Photo of Dunluce Castle in County Antrim, Northern Ireland)

• As stable as Ireland is, it still has elements of absolute chaos that surround it. It’s a perfect and delicate balance. And it keeps me interested.

Not everywhere can be as serene and beautiful as Drombeg…sometimes you need to drive on an insane road that you’re certain will kill you. (Photo taken in Cobh, County Cork)

• It’s really green. And that’s my favourite colour.

Fifty Shades of Green… (Photo taken in County Cork)

• Also, it’s just plain stunning. I mean, knock-you-on-your-feet gorgeous…how am I supposed to act like that doesn’t affect me??

When you start to look like this, we’ll talk… (Photo taken at Carrick-a-Rede in Ballintoy, Country Antrim, Northern Ireland)

So, Canada, I know that this has been pretty tough to hear. I get it. But I just felt like you should know why I’ll be away from you for a couple of weeks…you deserve that. You’ve been good to me and I love you, and I will always come back to you.

I’m just really sorry that the day I land in Ireland will be your birthday…but don’t worry. I’ll bring you back something pretty, k?

*All photos were taken by me**.

** That’s not true. Most of them were taken by my Mom.

Do you think cheating on your country is okay?

Do you think my reasons for cheating on Canada are viable enough to ensure that Canada will accept me back into its loving arms?

What should I bring back from Ireland to ensure that Canada will forgive me?

Filed under: Education, Writing   |  75 Comments
Tags: Canada, cheating, Education, Guinness, humor, Ireland, leprechauns, photos, travel, vacation